Many people say ~ Dogs love us unconditionally.
However, others argue that dogs are not capable of love, much less unconditional love. What seems like love to us is only behavioral conditioning. Is this true? What does unconditional dog love mean?
When people say that dogs love us unconditionally, they are referring to how some dogs continue to seek human company, attention, and affection, even after being hit, beaten, neglected, and abused by us.
This does not mean that dogs love all people unconditionally, but that they have the capacity to forgive, forget, and love us again even after going through some tough times.
This does not mean that dogs do not feel pain or do not suffer from pain, nor does it mean that they are unaffected by abuse. It only means that they have the ability to bounce back if we give them the chance and help them to do so.
Do Our Dogs Truly Love Us?
However, is this an indication of real love or is this merely conditioning? Do our dogs lie next to us, lick us, and show us doggy affection because they have learned that it will get them food and other resources? Or do they truly love and enjoy our company?
Some researchers argue that it is all conditioning, and that …
“If we moved our dogs to our neighbor’s house and that neighbor gave the dogs as much as we gave them and in the same motivational forms, I believe our dogs would adapt to the new life and would become as loyal to the neighbor as they were to us.”
~~[Fred Metzger, State College veterinarian]
However, other scientists disagree. In fact, recent MRI data (dog brain scans) from scientists at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia show that dogs do experience feelings of love and affection. In particular, the MRI data is different when a dog is given treats by a stranger and by someone that they have a strong bond with.
What do you think? Do our dogs truly love us or is it just conditioning?
What Is Love?
There are as many forms of love as there are moments in time.
~~[Jane Austen]
Whether our dog loves us, will greatly depend on what love means to us.
I have a close relative, whom I will call Aunt Marie.
Aunt Marie is someone who is very interested in measuring love. She keeps track of whether her children, as well as nephews and nieces call her on her Birthdays and other special occasions. Do they send her cards? Do they call? Do they call on the day itself, or do they forget and call too early or too late? Do they call other aunts and uncles? What about gifts?
As far as I can tell, Aunt Marie uses these behaviors and others to calculate who loves her, whether they love her more than another aunt or uncle, and whether it is truly love for her or something else, e.g. love of her money.
Not surprisingly, Aunt Marie is not a very happy person.
Very frequently, she comes up with reasons as to why people do not love her. “They are only calling me or sending me cards and presents out of duty”, she declares. “They are only doing this to get my money.”
What is love to you? Is it blind loyalty? Does it have to be perfect and free from other motivations?
We can never truly know what another person or animal is thinking. Like Aunt Marie, we can decide to continually measure love and deny the love of others, or we can enjoy the moment and love others back.
Love is not something that is easily defined and therefore, it is not something that can be measured. However, it is there, and it is powerful, and it is something to be enjoyed. Like us, it may not be perfect, but perfection is not necessary.
De-Humanizing Our Dogs
Some people insist that dogs are incapable of love, because they are animals. These statements always include some dire warning about how attributing these “human feelings” to our dogs is dangerous because it is humanizing our dogs, and this will lead to bad behavior and an out of control dog.
I fail to see how believing that our dogs are capable of love is detrimental to anyone. Does that mean that their love is exactly like ours, probably not. However, why should that matter? Why is dog love unworthy of the name?
In the dog training world, there is a fair amount of discussion around humanizing dogs, but very little around de-humanizing dogs. I suppose because dogs are clearly not human, we assume that de-humanizing them is only right and natural.
However, dehumanization is much much more than just an attribution of species.
Dehumanization or dehumanisation describes the denial of “humanness” to others …
It is conceptually related to infrahumanization,[4] deligitimization,[5] moral exclusion[6] and objectification.[7] Dehumanization occurs across several domains, is facilitated by status, power, and social connection, and results in behaviors like exclusion, violence, and support for violence against others.
~~[Wikipedia]
dehumanization – the act of degrading people with respect to their best qualities;
dehumanisation, degradation, debasement – changing to a lower state (a less respected state)
~~[The Free Dictionary]
By dehumanizing our dogs, they automatically become second class citizens, therefore, it becomes more acceptable for us to hit them, shock them, or choke them into submission.
Indeed, we do not want to overly humanize our dogs, because that may lead to mis-communication and misinterpretation of their behaviors, which will hinder the creation of a positive and healthy dog-human bond.
Similarly, we do not want to overly dehumanize our dogs, because that may lead to the same detrimental results.
Training and bonding with our dog does not just involve our dog, it involves us as well, in very big part. Helping my dog improve his behavior, also helped me improve my own behavior. I learned to better control my temper, to show more empathy, to be more patient, to let things go, and to enjoy the moment.
De-humanizing our dogs demands everything from our dog, and nothing from us. It is the opposite of love.
Do My Dogs Really Love Me Unconditionally?
I don’t know.
I think the more important question to ask myself is whether I love my dogs. And the answer to that is absolutely.
Do I love all my dogs equally and in exactly the same way? No. But that does not mean that I do not love each of them very much.
Similarly, I do not require my dogs to love me and only me. My dogs enjoy being with friends and neighbors who give them affection and treats, but that does not cheapen their love for me.
I love my dogs, I want to keep them happy, safe, and healthy. When they are happy, safe, and healthy, that makes me very happy too.
I love spending time with my dogs, and I love it when they come over to be with me, whatever their motivations.
That is more than enough for me.
Dogs are like kids. If they have a bad owner or a stupid owner that may turn out bad unfortunately. Especially dogs that have had several poor homes!
Almost all”bad” dogs have had incorrect experiences with humans. I have had many dogs over the years yet only found one who was really unhinged – so they do exist.
I am now 73 and well retired and I live alone on my small private estate n Morocco – alone 24/7 – that us with my Welsh Border Collie Aidie. Aidie is the most amazing creature I have encountered in my life and I attribute this to our constant and endless inter-activity and my treating him as I would a young child. It would take far too much space for me to list all the amazing attributes of my dog – who is now 7 years old, and I would say that canine love in my opinion is very real, valid, and infinitely more stable and forgiving than human love. If your dog doesn’t love you it can only be your fault! and you are obviously unworthy in one or more respects. Of course there are many different types of personalities in both people and in canines, but on average the relationships are workable and beneficial for both parties. In exceptional cases (like mine), the relationship is a very beautiful and wondrous thing to behold. So…
IF YOU REALLY WANT TO BE LOVED – GET AN (INTELLIGENT) DOG!!!
All I kow is that I lost my rescue 12 year old black lab on September 10, 2019. He had advanced hemangiocarcinoma. We went in for shots and tags, and came out with terminal cancer. We got him when he was 6. So we only had a short time with him. He was a terribly misbehaved and confused pup. He drooled eveywhere. Stood and stared at the wall for hours on end. He was so weird sometimes. I think he was abused before he came to us. Stole food. Ran for the hills when he slipped out the gate. Had no interest or ability to understand playing ball or whatever. He chewed through door trim when left alone too long. He shed mountains of hair. But . . . the more people hated on him, the more I loved him. He crawled all over me when it rained or thundered. But I got sick for about a year, and was in and out of the hospital. When I fnally came home for good, he led me everywhere. He never left my side again. Couldn’t even go to the bathroom without that greying snout poking through the door. We had two last terribly hard weeks together. Then, late one night he began to pant and crawl on me, and I knew it was time to go. He refused to go inside the vet’s office and I fell and broke two ribs trying to push him in. The vet looked at x-rays and the cancer was pressing into his lung. I had to decide to take him home and have one more day, or let him go. I’ll never take a few precious hours away from another dog again. I regret my decision every day. I killed my dog before he was ready to go. Every second counts. And yes, it is unconditional love. I hope and pray every day I will see him again. Love them with all your heart and soul. They are one of God’s greatest gifts. And we really don’t deserve them. Yet there they are.
Recently discovered your blog and this is a great read. Before the word love was invented I wonder how we humans described the feeling love and how they knew that feeling was love. hmmm.
24-7 with my dog.he is a person in a dog suut.he anticipated my every move up at 7 am not my choice.10am dog park.i can rough hoyse with hin.never gets tired.
Enjoyed reading your thoughts in this article. We have three gorgeous canine kids – two Tibetan Spaniels and a Pyrenean Mastiff. I do believe that love is not something that can (or should) be measured solely in human terms and conditions; what hubris to believe that only we feel emotion. Animals probably do not quantify or qualify things the same way, but that does not make their sentiments any less real or valid.
I can really relate to your comments about “Aunt Marie.” You’ve pretty much described my mom, lol.
Thanks so much for a great and thought-provoking read.
I wonder if this is related to the fact that we have domesticated dogs for thousand years thus it’s written to our and their DNA – both of us are two mammals with the closest proximity to “mutual companion”
I remember back then I lost my dog (a dachshund) , and only to find her later in a neighbour’s home far from my home, when saw me, she greeted me and waggled her tail, not barking! I was very surprised because she still remembered me. I didn’t take her back home because she seemed happier in her new home – my dad is a dog breeder and he always caged his dogs. I always tried to find time to walk them, but it’s hard when there are 3-4 big dogs to give attention to.
Hi Shibashake,
I’m in some serious need for advice. I’ve wanted a husky ever since I was a little girl (my cousins and I played “dogs” and I always pretended I was one), and now I’m about to graduate and will finally be able to get my own dog. I’ve had dogs before (rat terrier/schipperke(spelling?), a chow/lab, & spent a lot of time w/Australian shepherds, pitbulls, and my good friend has a husky), so this isn’t my first rodeo. Like I said before, I’ve spent a lot of time with the husky up until he was a year and then I moved down to school so I haven’t been around him since. I want one sooooo badly, but I do not EVER want to be at a place where I think I couldn’t handle one of my own. I have heard equal sides that say they’re the best dog breed to have and then some who have literally stated that they thought the dog would break their spirit. It is my biggest fear to have a husky and it not obey me. I know they require extensive training and I know, as with any dog, you need to show them who the alpha is, but I’m nervous. I guess my question to you is: how do you know if you’re making the right choice? I’ve researched them for hours on end and I think I would be an excellent owner, but then think about the fact that maybe I will have bad luck and get the most mischievous one in existence. HELP!
Just wanted to add to the chorus of ‘thank yous’ for this blog! I just adopted a two year old Sheltie/Spitz mix I named Vivaldi, and while he’s actually a pretty easy dog, the adoption was finalized at a tough time and I have found myself a bit overwhelmed as a first-time dog owner trying to teach him commands and better leash manners. But I remembered your blog from stumbling across it once, and it’s going to be a huuuge help to me and my new pup.
One question– AFAIK you don’t have a cat, but just in case you’ve heard a thing or two… Do you have any tips on cat-dog relationships? The introduction actually went quite well, but my cat is still fairly timid and sometimes spooks and runs, igniting the chase instinct for the do. (He can’t chase far, since I have him leashed when they are in the same room, but it still scares the cat, and me a little too!) How do I prevent chasing? I believe I’m supposed to reward him when he is calm around the cat, but I’m finding it tricky to tell when I should be rewarding him, and how to tell him “no” when he does move to chase, as it happens so fast I can’t see it coming. If you have any thoughts on this, I would very much appreciate it if you shared.
Thank you again for this awesome resource!
i just want to thank you for all of your incredible knowledge and for sharing it here for the world to learn from. my husband and i have been pouring through your site and have learned many great things! and that’s a good thing as we just got an 11-week old husky/collie. all of your tips are working on her and after reading your site, we feel that we can understand her better and better take care of her. she has been here for less than a week, already alerts us to when she has to go out, we feed her twice a day with many treats for being a good girl and following commands. we take her out for 20 minutes at a time, 4 times a day and she is really enjoying this routine. she comes in after her play time and flops out until she wakes and gets her next playtime.
we live on a homestead, grow some of our own food, hunt and fish. she will make an excellent guard dog and we will make excellent parents because of all of the information that you have shared.
i put up a post today on our blog – http://www.framboisemanor.blogspot.com – and shared pictures of her. i also linked to your blog in my post and i hope that you are ok with that.
She is absolutely gorgeous! Her blue eyes are absolutely striking against her darker coat. And her expression during stick chewing is priceless. 😀
Big big hugs to katijya. Also, your jambaloney story is awesome!
Hello! Read a good amount of your Shiba articles and they are very informative! I am getting my very first Shiba soon and he/she should be ready to go in October. Still debating if we want a female or male. Can you tell me about the differences between male and female Shibas? Been researching and reading about the breed for a good week now and can’t wait till October lol. A bit nervous too because of how stubborn they can be but I think I’m up for it. Anyways, thx for having this blog cause I know I’ll be here regularly!
Congratulations on your upcoming puppy! It is always very hectic for me when I get a new puppy, but also a lot of fun. Make sure to have a good camera ready. 😀
I have visited with a couple of Shiba breeders since getting Sephy, and the general picture that I get from them is that the males tend to be a bit more affectionate and social. Also a bit more of a homebody. Strangely, my Husky breeder also tells me the same thing about her Huskies. I have two Husky girls from her though, and they are both very affectionate, so I always wonder how a male Husky would be like. Of course there will be a lot of variability dog to dog as well.
However, I have never lived with a female Shiba or a male Husky, so I don’t have any first hand experience with comparing them.
Here are some great threads from the Shiba Inu forum on male vs. female Shibas-
http://www.shibainuforum.org/forum/discussion/8297/female-shiba-vs-male-shiba/p1
http://www.shibainuforum.org/forum/discussion/6549/x&page=1#Item_16
http://www.shibainuforum.org/forum/discussion/2856/males-vs-females-personalities/p1