To bond with a dog, it is important to establish ourselves as pack leader. We need to teach our dog what are good dog behaviors, and what are bad dog behaviors; according to us humans.

Our human laws primarily protect people and not dogs, therefore it is up to us to protect our furry best friend from situations that may cause him harm. This includes running into traffic, accidentally biting people because of unrestrained playfulness, or dog aggression.

It is also important to do regular joint activity with our dog, including daily exercise, dog play, obedience training, and grooming. Finally, communication is crucial in the bonding process. I always try to listen to what my dog is trying to tell me, so that I can make sound decisions based on his temperament, level of tolerance, as well as his likes and dislikes.

How to Bond with Your Dog.

1. Redirect our dog’s energies into productive pursuits

1. Redirect our dog’s energies into productive pursuits.

Husky Shania having supervised fun with a bubble machine.

Make our dog work for all of his food.

Most dogs naturally love running, chasing, chewing everything, jumping, smelling, eating poop, eating everything else, and rolling in smelly stuff.

These dog behaviors lead to chewed up expensive shoes, mud on designer clothing, torn upholstery, and a variety of other delights that may tickle our dog’s fancy, when left on his own. A good way to deal with these bad dog behaviors is to redirect our dog into positive and productive pursuits –

• Play controlled running and chasing games with him. Some examples include recall training, hide and seek, and flirt pole.
• Get good and safe chew toys. I frequently press cheese bits onto my dog’s chew toys, which entices him to work on them with even more gusto! We can also try soaking appropriate chew toys in chicken broth, to give them an appealing scent.
• Make our dog work for all of his food through interactive toys, training, handling, or grooming.
• Do obedience training or dog sports, so that he gets to jump, run, and compete in a people-friendly way.
• Walk our dog every day on a loose leash, so that he gets to explore and smell interesting environments.
• I hand-feed my dogs during these activities to further establish trust.

To build a strong bond, we must not only consider what we desire of our dog, but also how we can fulfill our dog’s desires.

For example, my Shiba Inu does not like taking baths in the shower stall, because he does not like the confined environment, the cold surfaces, or having water poured all over his body. Therefore, instead of giving him a regular bath, I play the water hose game with him. He does not usually like getting wet, but he is very happy to get totally soaked for this chasing game. He will even take intermittent breaks for a washcloth scrub-down.

By making bathing into a game, I get to engage in a fun activity with my dog, as well as accomplish a previously unpleasant task with no stress, no physical force, and lots of laughs.

By making bathing into a game, I get to accomplish a previously unpleasant task with no stress, no physical force, and lots of laughs.

2. To gain a dog’s respect, we must be calm, consistent, and fair

2. Always be calm, consistent and fair with our dog.

Be calm – Do not yell or respond in anger. A dog is more likely to stay calm and listen to us, if we are also calm.

Be consistent – Do not give a dog affection one day for getting on the bed, and punish him the next day for doing the same thing; even though he may have muddy paws. If we want to prevent a muddy bed incident, then teach our dog *not* to jump on furniture, and reward him well for resting on the floor.

Be fair – Do not punish him for failing to perform a command, if he does not understand what we want. Dogs are not born with an understanding of human language. It is up to us, to learn how to communicate with our dog, teach him how to communicate with us, and teach him our human rules.

When we are calm, consistent, and fair, our dog will feel safe, because he will always know what to expect from us, and what we expect from him in return. On the other hand, anger and frustration will lead to confusion and stress in our dog, which makes it difficult to learn or build a healthy relationship.

Do not be fearful of our dog. A dog can easily sense fear, and he will become uncertain and fearful himself because of it. Fear indicates a lack of trust in our dog, and frequently, a lack of trust in ourselves. In particular, we fear what our dog may do, and we fear that we will not be able to stop him.

To build a strong and healthy bond –

• Establish a consistent set of verbal commands and hand gestures to communicate with our dog.
• Establish a consistent set of rules that we enforce in a consistent way.
• Establish a consistent routine and schedule for his various dog activities.

Establish a consistent set of rules that we enforce in a consistent way.

Rules are useful because they add structure to our human-dog relationship.

Some dog trainers suggest that a healthy bond is based on conducting certain dominance rituals, such as always walking ahead of our dog, going through entrances first, and eating before him.

Some of these rules are useful not because they are dominance rituals, but simply because they add structure to our human-dog relationship.

In fact, the actual rules do not usually matter much, as long they help to define some boundaries and routine for our dog.

Rules do not magically build a strong bond or make us into a respected leader. If we try to enforce our rules with angry or fearful energy, and without proper communication, our dog will likely get frustrated and his behavior will become more erratic.

To build a strong bond with our dog we must not only look to what we desire but also how we can fulfill our dog’s desires.

3. Leadership through the control of resources

3. Build a bond that is based on mutual respect.

Many proponents of aversive dog training argue that it is not possible to achieve a healthy bond, without using dominance techniques and physical force.

According to them, we must show the dog who is boss, and force him to comply with every single one of our commands. Failure to do so will result in a swift physical correction, which may be a leash jerk, finger poke, muzzle slap, or alpha roll.

They claim that these methods are especially important for stubborn and strong willed dogs, because they will not respond to a well meaning but soft owner, who chooses not to engage in a physical contest with his dog.

All this is FALSE.

The best way to build a strong bond with a dog, and to become a good leader, is to stay away from brute force physical techniques.

In a true physical contest, we can be sure that our dog will win. He is faster and more agile. He has sharp teeth, a strong jaw, claws, and thick skin to protect himself. Trying to achieve leadership through physical dominance is misguided at best, and may encourage dog aggression at worst. If we see a group of stray dogs eating our garbage, do we walk up to them and try to wrestle them to the ground? I think not – and we should not do that to our own dog either.

We can build a bond that is based on pain and fear, but it is much better to build a bond that is based on mutual respect.

Leadership through the control of resources.

We are already natural leaders to our dogs.

We can use play to motivate our dog to follow rules.

The fact is, we are already natural leaders to our dogs because we have control over their most prized resources, including food, shelter, toys, access to pack members, access to interesting locations, and access to other dogs. To establish ourselves as leader, we simply need to teach our dogs this fact, through the Nothing in Life is Free (NILIF) program.

With NILIF, our dog has to do something for us, before he gets something in return. Any bullying will be ignored, or will result in the removal of a resource. With this program, our dog quickly learns that the simplest and fastest way to get what he wants, is by following our rules.

Even in wolf packs, a strong and confident alpha pair will tolerate a fair amount of misbehavior from subordinates. They save their strength and attention for more direct challenges, which center around resource control, e.g. mating rights or food rights.

A strong leader has no need to always force compliance, because he is confident that when it counts, he can easily command compliance.

Be a confident and benevolent leader of the pack, not a tyrant.

Be a confident and benevolent leader of the pack.

4. Gain our dog’s trust

4. Gain our dog’s trust.

Receiving love from a dog is very different from earning his trust.

Dogs have an immense capacity to love, but it takes a lot more work to earn their trust. Yet, this is an extremely worthwhile endeavor because once we have a dog’s trust, we will create a deeper bond and bring about a happy, well-balanced, well-behaved, canine friend.

Trust is acquired by always looking out for our dog’s best interest.

Trust is acquired by always looking out for our dog’s best interest.

Being inconsistent with our dog, or using forceful training techniques, can destroy that trust.

We usually focus on ourselves; our need for love, and our feelings of embarrassment when our dog misbehaves.

To gain a dog’s trust, just focus on doing what is best for him, without expecting anything in return.

If we can do this, the returns will surely come.

I protect my dogs from external threats, or perceived external threats. It does not matter whether the threat is real or not. As long as my dog perceives it to be a threat, and is stressed by it, I step in and protect him.

Sometimes, being a good caretaker also means we must protect our dog from himself.

If our dog is over-weight and loves to eat, we should put him on a strict diet so that he does not develop health problems down the road. If our dog loves to run and chase, make sure to have him on a leash so that he does not run into traffic.

Visit the vet at least once every year, for a health check-up, vaccination shots, and teeth cleaning (if needed).

Sometimes, we must protect our dog from himself.

Bonding with Your Dog

Bonding with our dog is a give and take process.

Our dog is willing to do commands, endure hugs, walk on a leash, and comply with many other human rules and restrictions that he would never do in the wild.

In return, we should try to understand our dog, and fulfill his needs to the best of our abilities.

Why physically punish a dog for being fearful of bathing, when we can make the experience fun, pleasant, and less stressful, by turning it into a game?

If we give our dog the best that we have to give, he will give us his best in return, and that is when we form a strong and enduring bond.

Bonding with our dog is a give and take process.

Some people expect their dog to be like a robot. The dog must follow all commands, no ifs, ands, or buts. There is also a myth that either a dog is a robot, or he is totally out of control.

Either the dog follows every command, or he follows no commands at all.

While these extremes are a good way to instigate arguments, they are not a good representation of reality. In reality, most dogs are somewhere in-between. Where exactly a dog ends up usually depends on our temperament and what type of relationship we desire.

Some few owners do want a totally controlled Stepford Dog, and the dog will have little choice but to comply.

My dog is my companion.

Personally, I do not desire a robotic Stepford Dog relationship. As a companion, my dog has the freedom to make up his own mind about a variety of things every day.

Shiba Inu Sephy getting his teeth brushed.

Making the dogs work for their food.

For example, he can decide to let me clean his teeth in order to get some chicken with melted cheese. If he does not want teeth brushing, that is his choice, but he also does not get any cheese chicken.

Is this bribery?

I suppose we can call it whatever we want, but bribery is a strange term to use here.

Everyone agrees, I think, that dogs need to be fed every day. Here, we are simply making the dog work for his food rather than giving it to him, for free, in a silver bowl.

• Why is giving a dog food for doing work, bribery, but giving a dog free food, somehow better?
• Why is jerking a dog around, poking him, pinning him down, somehow acceptable but giving him food is wrong?

This does not mean that I let my dogs run around loose in the neighborhood to do whatever they want.

All dogs must be managed to some extent for their own safety and the safety of others.

For example, my dog must put on a leash and collar before a walk. He can decide not to put on these things, but then, he does not get to go for his fun walk.

Is this bribery? Does it matter?

What matters to me is that my dog stays safe, as well as enjoys a good quality of life.

My dog must put on a leash and collar before a walk.

My dog has free rein in backyard, but he is not allowed to dig under the fence. If he decides to dig under the fence, then he does not get to stay in the backyard.

True, my dog is not going to be an obedience champion and win  competitions, but I do not think he much cares about that. If he did, that would certainly be a fun thing that we could both do together.

In addition to robot and companion, there is a third kind of dog relationship that I term ‘soft-toy‘ dog.  These dogs do not normally get discussed, but the majority of dogs in my neighborhood probably fall closest to this class.

A soft-toy dog is just an object, acquired to fulfill its owner’s needs.

The dog rarely gets walked, and only gets hugged and played with when the owner needs companionship. At other times, the dog lives in the backyard, with nothing to do, and nobody to interact with.

There are many such dogs in my neighborhood. They charge the fence and bark at shadows, because their whole lives are about fences and shadows.

Often, there is much discussion on whether a dog should be more of a robot or more of a companion, but really it is these soft-toy dogs that need the most attention. They are the ones who suffer most because they are just objects – with neglected needs, no rights, and no voice.

Dogs are great and rewarding to live with, but they are a lot of work and can be very expensive.

Do not get a dog unless everyone in the family wants to have one, and has the time to put into training, caring, interacting, and fulfilling the dog’s needs. Dogs need exercise every day, and as pack animals, they also need interaction with their family.

Dogs are neither backyard furniture, organic alarm systems, or soft-toys.

Dogs are neither backyard furniture, organic alarm systems, or  soft-toys.

We cannot just get a dog to only fulfill our needs, while totally ignoring his needs.

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man’s.
~~[ Mark Twain, letter to W.D. Howells, 2 April 1899 ]

I met this really nice lady at a hiking park (not to be confused with an an enclosed dog park), some time ago. She had two beautiful Samoyeds with her.

They were both well-groomed, white as snow, and clearly very well cared for.

My Dog is Lassie, Your Dog is Cujo

One of them, the male, was having great fun. He was relaxed, and enjoyed meeting the dogs around him. This park allows off-leash dogs, full access, so there were many of them around.

The female Samoyed however, seemed very stressed.

Every time a dog would go near her, she would get really stiff, and start to growl.

At this point, the very nice lady would get really embarrassed, apologize, and give her dog a shock on her electronic collar. Her beautiful Samoyed would stop growling, but still be extremely stiff.

As soon as another dog moved close again, she would start to growl once more (the dog not the nice lady), which brought about another zap.

I really like the look of Samoyeds, so I was talking to the nice lady about hers. We chatted for a while, and she asked me why my Shiba Inu was on a leash.

Shiba Sephy has terrible recall, and has a very strong prey drive, so I do not trust him off leash at all. He can also be rude to other dogs, and may invade their space, before being invited in.

My Shiba Inu has terrible recall, and has a very strong prey drive, so I do not trust him off leash at all.

I made sure to keep Shiba away from the female Samoyed, because I did not want her to get additional zaps.

At this point, Nice Lady very proudly told me, that her dogs were great off-leash, after she started using shock collars.

True enough, they stayed close to her, especially the female.

After finishing our chat, I walked on with my Cujo, and she did the same with her Lassies.

I think it is good to be proud of our dog when he learns something new, or passes a new challenge. However, there is very little need to feel embarrassed or ashamed of her, especially when she is showing normal canine behavior, for example growling to let a rude dog know not to invade her space.

The shock collar would only cause the dog, to become even more wary of other dogs.

It does not matter what others think of our dog. So what if some stranger thinks we have a Lassie or a Cujo. What matters more is the quality of life we provide for our dog, and the strong and enduring bond that we establish with him.

It does not matter what others think of our dog. What matters more is the quality of life we provide, and the enduring bond that we establish with him.