Many of us love our dogs very much. However, to establish a strong bond, love alone is not enough. We also need to inject a good dose of rules and structure.
To bond with a dog, it is important to establish ourselves as pack leader. We need to teach our dog what are good dog behaviors, and what are bad dog behaviors; according to us humans.
Our human laws primarily protect people and not dogs, therefore it is up to us to protect our furry best friend from situations that may cause him harm. This includes running into traffic, accidentally biting people because of unrestrained playfulness, or dog aggression.
It is also important to do regular joint activity with our dog, including daily exercise, dog play, obedience training, and grooming. Finally, communication is crucial in the bonding process. I always try to listen to what my dog is trying to tell me, so that I can make sound decisions based on his temperament, level of tolerance, as well as his likes and dislikes.
1. Redirect our dog’s energies into productive pursuits
Most dogs naturally love running, chasing, chewing everything, jumping, smelling, eating poop, eating everything else, and rolling in smelly stuff.
These dog behaviors lead to chewed up expensive shoes, mud on designer clothing, torn upholstery, and a variety of other delights that may tickle our dog’s fancy, when left on his own. A good way to deal with these bad dog behaviors is to redirect our dog into positive and productive pursuits –
- Play controlled running and chasing games with him. Some examples include recall training, hide and seek, and flirt pole.
- Get good and safe chew toys. I frequently press cheese bits onto my dog’s chew toys, which entices him to work on them with even more gusto! We can also try soaking appropriate chew toys in chicken broth, to give them an appealing scent.
- Make our dog work for all of his food through interactive toys, training, handling, or grooming.
- Do obedience training or dog sports, so that he gets to jump, run, and compete in a people-friendly way.
- Walk our dog every day on a loose leash, so that he gets to explore and smell interesting environments.
- I hand-feed my dogs during these activities to further establish trust.
To build a strong bond, we must not only consider what we desire of our dog, but also how we can fulfill our dog’s desires.
For example, my Shiba Inu does not like taking baths in the shower stall, because he does not like the confined environment, the cold surfaces, or having water poured all over his body. Therefore, instead of giving him a regular bath, I play the water hose game with him. He does not usually like getting wet, but he is very happy to get totally soaked for this chasing game. He will even take intermittent breaks for a washcloth scrub-down.
By making bathing into a game, I get to engage in a fun activity with my dog, as well as accomplish a previously unpleasant task with no stress, no physical force, and lots of laughs.
2. To gain a dog’s respect, we must be calm, consistent, and fair
Be calm – Do not yell or respond in anger. A dog is more likely to stay calm and listen to us, if we are also calm.
Be consistent – Do not give a dog affection one day for getting on the bed, and punish him the next day for doing the same thing; even though he may have muddy paws. If we want to prevent a muddy bed incident, then teach our dog *not* to jump on furniture, and reward him well for resting on the floor.
Be fair – Do not punish him for failing to perform a command, if he does not understand what we want. Dogs are not born with an understanding of human language. It is up to us, to learn how to communicate with our dog, teach him how to communicate with us, and teach him our human rules.
When we are calm, consistent, and fair, our dog will feel safe, because he will always know what to expect from us, and what we expect from him in return. On the other hand, anger and frustration will lead to confusion and stress in our dog, which makes it difficult to learn or build a healthy relationship.
Do not be fearful of our dog. A dog can easily sense fear, and he will become uncertain and fearful himself because of it. Fear indicates a lack of trust in our dog, and frequently, a lack of trust in ourselves. In particular, we fear what our dog may do, and we fear that we will not be able to stop him.
To build a strong and healthy bond –
- Establish a consistent set of verbal commands and hand gestures to communicate with our dog.
- Establish a consistent set of rules that we enforce in a consistent way.
- Establish a consistent routine and schedule for his various dog activities.
Some dog trainers suggest that a healthy bond is based on conducting certain dominance rituals, such as always walking ahead of our dog, going through entrances first, and eating before him.
Some of these rules are useful not because they are dominance rituals, but simply because they add structure to our human-dog relationship.
In fact, the actual rules do not usually matter much, as long they help to define some boundaries and routine for our dog.
Rules do not magically build a strong bond or make us into a respected leader. If we try to enforce our rules with angry or fearful energy, and without proper communication, our dog will likely get frustrated and his behavior will become more erratic.
3. Leadership through the control of resources
Many proponents of aversive dog training argue that it is not possible to achieve a healthy bond, without using dominance techniques and physical force.
According to them, we must show the dog who is boss, and force him to comply with every single one of our commands. Failure to do so will result in a swift physical correction, which may be a leash jerk, finger poke, muzzle slap, or alpha roll.
They claim that these methods are especially important for stubborn and strong willed dogs, because they will not respond to a well meaning but soft owner, who chooses not to engage in a physical contest with his dog.
All this is FALSE.
The best way to build a strong bond with a dog, and to become a good leader, is to stay away from brute force physical techniques.
In a true physical contest, we can be sure that our dog will win. He is faster and more agile. He has sharp teeth, a strong jaw, claws, and thick skin to protect himself. Trying to achieve leadership through physical dominance is misguided at best, and may encourage dog aggression at worst. If we see a group of stray dogs eating our garbage, do we walk up to them and try to wrestle them to the ground? I think not – and we should not do that to our own dog either.
We can build a bond that is based on pain and fear, but it is much better to build a bond that is based on mutual respect.
The fact is, we are already natural leaders to our dogs because we have control over their most prized resources, including food, shelter, toys, access to pack members, access to interesting locations, and access to other dogs. To establish ourselves as leader, we simply need to teach our dogs this fact, through the Nothing in Life is Free (NILIF) program.
With NILIF, our dog has to do something for us, before he gets something in return. Any bullying will be ignored, or will result in the removal of a resource. With this program, our dog quickly learns that the simplest and fastest way to get what he wants, is by following our rules.
Even in wolf packs, a strong and confident alpha pair will tolerate a fair amount of misbehavior from subordinates. They save their strength and attention for more direct challenges, which center around resource control, e.g. mating rights or food rights.
A strong leader has no need to always force compliance, because he is confident that when it counts, he can easily command compliance.
Be a confident and benevolent leader of the pack, not a tyrant.
4. Gain our dog’s trust
Receiving love from a dog is very different from earning his trust.
Dogs have an immense capacity to love, but it takes a lot more work to earn their trust. Yet, this is an extremely worthwhile endeavor because once we have a dog’s trust, we will create a deeper bond and bring about a happy, well-balanced, well-behaved, canine friend.
Trust is acquired by always looking out for our dog’s best interest.
Being inconsistent with our dog, or using forceful training techniques, can destroy that trust.
We usually focus on ourselves; our need for love, and our feelings of embarrassment when our dog misbehaves.
To gain a dog’s trust, just focus on doing what is best for him, without expecting anything in return.
If we can do this, the returns will surely come.
I protect my dogs from external threats, or perceived external threats. It does not matter whether the threat is real or not. As long as my dog perceives it to be a threat, and is stressed by it, I step in and protect him.
Sometimes, being a good caretaker also means we must protect our dog from himself.
If our dog is over-weight and loves to eat, we should put him on a strict diet so that he does not develop health problems down the road. If our dog loves to run and chase, make sure to have him on a leash so that he does not run into traffic.
Visit the vet at least once every year, for a health check-up, vaccination shots, and teeth cleaning (if needed).
Bonding with Your Dog
Bonding with our dog is a give and take process.
Our dog is willing to do commands, endure hugs, walk on a leash, and comply with many other human rules and restrictions that he would never do in the wild.
In return, we should try to understand our dog, and fulfill his needs to the best of our abilities.
Why physically punish a dog for being fearful of bathing, when we can make the experience fun, pleasant, and less stressful, by turning it into a game?
If we give our dog the best that we have to give, he will give us his best in return, and that is when we form a strong and enduring bond.
Dear shiba shake (awsome name by the way ) I love your articles but can you Wright something on if your dog runs away my dog pickle has 2 other dogs in the backyard we play frisbee but he just loves to escape we can’t use an electronic fence without tearing up our yard and we think he jumps we have a creek and we think he might swim there
I have a border collie lab and when ever I try to play with her she runs away
I just read your arrival and it was really informative! I have two Alaskan Klee Kai’s Sasha is about 9 months old and Hunter is about five months old. Sasha is super skittish even around me. I and my fiancé Mark are there “Mom and Dad” Hunter is very loving and loves to sleep on top of me and Follow me around wherever I go. He gets so upset if I leave him home to run an errand. I’ll come home and have to console him. He cries like a tiny baby!! I feel like Sasha has always been more stand offish and unaffected by our absence. She has however, been a bit more interested in U.S. Ever since Hunter came around.
My concerns are in the way Sasha behaves as if we’re going to strike her when we go in for a loving pet! I’ll get down on her level or offer a treat. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong? I think at times I do spoil them BOTH because after reading this I realized I offered reward bad doggy behavior with food. One example Hunter is always on top of me (I don’t mind this) but when I eat Hunter looks at me with that look!!! And he cries like a baby and it breaks my heart He makes me feel so bad, and so I let him have a small bite of whatever I’m eating unless it’s not good for him. I will give him a small treat so he stops the crying! I know this is wrong but am unsure how to handle his little fits!!
My next issue is also with Hunter!! He is so crazy about teething and when I give him a bone I will also give Sasha a bone. I do this to be fair but it doesn’t matter if Hunter has his own identical bone he wants SASHAS!! If I switch Them around he wants whatever one she goes for and he wants his too!! I try putting him on the bed and Sasha will go under the bed(her favorite spot) or on the floor bit to no avail!! He will make his way to Sasha and make his Tasmania devil noises and let’s just say no one has quiet or a bone to chew!! I would love to know a remedy for this!! Some guidance or things I NEED to do to correct this behavior!!
I really don’t know what to do to get these behaviors to stop. I do have a fence in yard and they have free run of the house. They go in and out as they please and I’m not sure if that’s good for them or counter productive? We do go on nice walks with my Mom and her two dogs and my sisters two dogs. We bring them to my moms all the time to play with there gods and they love that!! We walk to the river an they swim and play and really enjoy that!! I really want to make sure I’m raising my babies right!! I want to train them the way that will benefit them the most! I know I am too emotional and I tend to spoil and reward when I should ignore and deal with the crying but it’s hard!! I would love to hear some feedback and tips to correct my and there behavior!! I would love to get Sasha to a point where I could pet her without feeling like I’m punishing her!! Don’t get me wrong, she is at times tolerable of my affection!! At night she may lay in the bed and I’ll rub her belly and scratch her ears..I’ll always say “good girl Sasha” and tell her I love her in a calm voice so I don’t spook her!! Should I reward with a treat? And when you say make them work for all food are you saying for meals as well as treats,or just treats? I would also like to know what would be the appropriate amount of “work” for a small treat? Will a sit,lay down, now jump for the treat work? And for the meal will it be safe to say going out and throwing a ball in the yard and just making them run, or even let them play nicely with each other be something I should consider rewardable? I’m so sorry I have so many questions all at once!! I just really want to raise my babies right they are seriously my world!! I want them to be happy, safe and well trained!! I’m so grateful for you and the info you gave me already I would love to know more!!
Thank you so much!!
Sending love and positive light your way
How long have you had both dogs? Are they both from the same breeder or are they adopted? Was the breeder registered with the UKC? What were conditions like at the breeder’s place?
I have never lived with a Klee Kai, so I am not too familiar with their temperament. My Husky breeder tells me that they can be aloof and skittish around new people. Here is part of their temperament description from Wikipedia-
ASPCA article on puppy socialization.
More on dog socialization.
I do people desensitization exercises with my dogs to help them be more relaxed around new people. I also do touch desensitization exercises with my dogs, to help them be more relaxed with handling and grooming. This helped to increase my Shiba Inu’s tolerance for handling, but he is a more aloof dog by nature, and is therefore less affectionate than my two Huskies.
I set up a fixed routine for my dogs and consistent house rules. In this way, my dogs know exactly what to expect from each other, what to expect from me, and what I expect from them in return. This helps to create certainty and certainty helps to reduce stress and conflicts.
More on how I set up structure and teach my puppy self-control.
More on how I deal with puppy biting.
I make sure to only reinforce/reward good behaviors, and to be very consistent with my rules. When my dog shows an undesirable behavior, I no-mark, and then I tell him what to do instead. For example, if my dog starts to jump on me when I am preparing his food, I no-mark, and then I ask him for a Sit (pre-trained). When he sits, I can reward him for the good behavior, thereby reinforcing something positive. However, if I give my dog food when he whines or jumps, then I will only encourage him to whine and jump more in the future.
More on how I train my puppy.
More on how I handle meal-time with my dogs.
My dogs work for all of their food (regular meals and treats). I make sure not to over-feed, so if I am giving them a certain amount of treats, I reduce their other food by a proper amount so that I keep their daily food intake consistent. I reward my dogs for simple commands, for following house rules, for walking well, for playing well, for being calm, etc. It does not have to be for something that I explicitly asked them to do at the current moment. However, the behavior needs to be something desirable, so that I am reinforcing/encouraging a positive behavior. Whatever food is left-over I put in a safe interactive food toy so my dog works for that too.
More on how I implement The Nothing in Life is Free program.
Finally, there are certain behavior conditioning (training) principles but dog behavior is also very context dependent. Each dog and situation are going to be different. The dog’s temperament, routine, environment, past experiences, and more will all play a role in defining his behavior. Therefore, I always make sure to listen to my dog first and foremost, and to adjust my training methods to suit my dog and my situation. Something that works well for me and my dog, may not work as well for someone else and vice versa.
When Shiba Sephy was young and I was having problems with some of his behaviors, I got help from several professional trainers. In this way, the trainer can observe my dog within the context of his regular routine and environment. He can also help me with reading my dog’s body language, with timing, technique, as well as management.
https://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/finding-professional-help
https://apdt.com/pet-owners/choosing-a-trainer/
I have a lab husky mix and a Siberian husky and I don’t know how to go about and let them play and be together. I have never had more than one dog before so I don’t really know how they are suppose to respond to each other. One is a bit older while the other is still a pup and I am afraid that they aren’t going to like each other and something bad will happen. What should I do?
With my dogs, I set up clear dog-to-dog interaction rules, I supervise very closely, and I use management equipment (leashes, gates, etc.) as necessary, to make sure that all dogs and people are safe. In this way, all my dogs know exactly what to expect from each other, what to expect from me, and what I expect from them in return.
Rules, structure, and consistency are very important for my dogs. They help to create certainty, and certainty helps to reduce stress and conflicts.
How I introduce a new dog into my household.
However, dog behavior is very context dependent, and there is even more complexity with multiple dogs. Therefore, when in doubt, I always get help from a good professional trainer/behaviorist.
https://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/finding-professional-help
My chihuahua mutt is a very sweet and obedient dog. He is very energetic as well, but he has an off-leash problem. Any time I take his leash off, he will run off to other dogs or people. He will sometimes come back, but that is only on rare occasions. What should I do? You seem to have no problems with your dogs.
These two articles have some good information on recall training-
https://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/dog-behavior/teaching-your-dog-come-when-called
http://drsophiayin.com/blog/entry/teaching_rover_to_race_to_you_on_cue
I walk my dogs on-leash when we are at the park. My Huskies have really high prey drive so if they see a squirrel or deer, they are off like a shot. It is very difficult to trump their very strong instinct to give chase.
Dear Shibashake,
your articles amaze me and I love the positive approach that you use in your training methods. I would really like to ask you for a piece of advice, please. I have a 2 year old Golden Retriever. He is super energetic, really sociable (runs to every dog he sees) and is very smell-driven (when he catches the sense of something in the grass, it’s like he doesn’t hear me).
I really need to teach him more reliable off-leash obedience… When we’re alone he listens well and comes on command, this get’s a little worse when he notices an interesting smell (takes him a few seconds and maybe two recalls until he comes, but this isn’t such a big problem). The problem is, when we are in the forest and i let him off leash, he sprints after almost any dog that he sees. We’ve had an incident last week where a dog attacked him because he wouldn’t stop and return to me, he would just sprint towards the dog.
This happens sometimes when we are coming close to our front yard gate and he still wants to say hi to the dog down the street behind his fence, again, he just starts sprinting down and won’t listen when I call him back.
I guess you could say the main problem is a weak recall. Maybe I didn’t focus on this enough when he was a pup. Would you suggest that I put him on a long leash? However with this method I feel like, doesn’t the dog know when he’s on the leash and when he isn’t, and when we eventually go out without the leash, he’ll know he can run and nothing will stop him? Also, how long would I have to have him on this long leash before I could let him off leash? (I really need him to let his energy out, and on the leash, it’s difficult…. get’s tangled up everywhere all the time and he can’t run around and sniff around..) I hope it’s not too late at 2 years…
I don’t want to use punishment, I really want to work on a strong bond with my Arnie, just like you describe. Thank you so much in advance if you get to read this long comment.
Regards,
Veronika
Thank you Veronika. 😀
Yeah, my Shiba Inu was also very dog focused especially when he was young. One thing that worked pretty well with him in terms of recall was to walk him with other dogs. One of our neighbors had a couple of dogs that Sephy absolutely loved, so when we went to the park with them, Sephy would be following our neighbor’s dogs. When she calls back her dogs, Sephy would come along too.
We later got a dog walker to do group dog walks with Sephy and that was also what she did for getting him to come back. The thing though is that we had to call back the dogs early, before we get too near other dogs. Otherwise, he might run to go meet the other dog, so the risk is still there.
What actually works best with Sephy are structured, small play-groups, with other dogs who also love to play. I do this in an enclosed space in my house, and I supervise closely to make sure that everyone is following play-rules. In this way, Sephy gets to enjoy time with other dogs, he learns good social behaviors, and he has a great positive activity to release his energy.
As for recall, the important thing is that when I issue the recall command, I need to make sure that my dog comes or if he does not, I need to have a way to get him back quickly and effectively. I need to be very consistent about that, or else my dog will learn that recall means sometimes come and sometimes not.
Also, recall is very dependent upon competing stimuli. If there is something out there that is a very strong and all consuming stimulus, then I will need to find something even stronger to deter my dog. This is why dogs with high prey drive usually get walked on-leash, because when they see prey animals, they switch to instinct mode, and it becomes difficult to get them to break focus on the prey animal. My Huskies have high prey drive so I always walk them on-leash when in unenclosed spaces.
This article from the ASPCA has a good list of recall training techniques and also what to expect-
https://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/dog-behavior/teaching-your-dog-come-when-called
Hi
I have just read your article and am finding it very interesting and helpful.
I have just got a german shepherd puppy he is only 9 weeks old today.
But i live with my parents and they have a 2 year old german shepherd and a 14 year old westie highland terrier.
I work monday to friday. i leave the house at 7:15am and don’t get home until 6:15pm. my parents have agreed to help with my puppy whilst i’m at work.
I don’t plan to stay living at my parents house for too long and would like a place of my own for me and Storm (my puppy) but i am very worried that he will bond to my parents and their dogs more than me as i am not home as often as they are. Is this something I should be worried about? My dad is feeding him when he feeds the other dogs at the moment and i have read in some places that you should be the only one to feed your dog to build the bond. Is this true?
I can’t walk him yet as he is waiting his 2nd vaccin…but i’m so worried about the future…but should I be?
Thank you Amy
I try to get everyone in the household to bond with my dogs. In this way, if I get busy, sick, or need to travel, there are other people who my dog trusts, who can take care of him. He will be relaxed and comfortable with them, and will not get stressed and anxious just because I am busy at work or temporarily unavailable.
I also socialize my dogs well and they know my neighbors, and get along well with the dog lovers in my neighborhood. If anything unexpected should happen, I know I can also count on my neighbors to help with my dogs.
I believe that it is good for a dog to enjoy people and to bond with multiple people. My Huskies especially, love being with people. Just because my dog bonds with others does not detract from his love for me or from my love for him. As long as he is happy, I am happy.
http://shibashake.com/dog/do-our-dogs-love-us-unconditionally
I want to build a bond with my dog because I just lost my first dog your web page helped me
I absolutely love what you have shared with us in regards to raising/loving/training and caring for your buddies! I have a Sib. Husky pup. Her name is Lucy. We brought her home when she was 8 weeks old and she was initially very timid, and perhaps even distrustful. I attributed this to the nature of huskies, as I’ve only been used to abundant affection that labs give.
But my little Lucy warmed up and I do believe we have gained her trust. She is rambunctious and energetic and loves to run! Your site has really helped me train her, as well. She is very good on the leash (though still a curious puppy). The redlight/greenlight method that you outlined works so well. She sits without my command when she starts to tug on the leash.
Anyway, I just wanted to express my deep appreciation for the time and energy you take to share your experiences.
Monica
Thank you so much Monica. Lucy sounds wonderful and adorable, and I am so glad she is with a terrific family. Reading about a happy dog always makes me very happy. 😀
Big hugs to Lucy!