What type of relationship do you want to have with your dog?
Some people expect their dog to be like a robot. The dog must follow all commands, no ifs, ands, or buts. There is also a myth that either a dog is a robot, or he is totally out of control.
Either the dog follows every command, or he follows no commands at all.
While these extremes are a good way to instigate arguments, they are not a good representation of reality. In reality, most dogs are somewhere in-between. Where exactly a dog ends up usually depends on our temperament and what type of relationship we desire.
Some few owners do want a totally controlled Stepford Dog, and the dog will have little choice but to comply.
My dog is my companion.
Personally, I do not desire a robotic Stepford Dog relationship. As a companion, my dog has the freedom to make up his own mind about a variety of things every day.
For example, he can decide to let me clean his teeth in order to get some chicken with melted cheese. If he does not want teeth brushing, that is his choice, but he also does not get any cheese chicken.
I suppose we can call it whatever we want, but bribery is a strange term to use here.
Everyone agrees, I think, that dogs need to be fed every day. Here, we are simply making the dog work for his food rather than giving it to him, for free, in a silver bowl.
- Why is giving a dog food for doing work, bribery, but giving a dog free food, somehow better?
- Why is jerking a dog around, poking him, pinning him down, somehow acceptable but giving him food is wrong?
This does not mean that I let my dogs run around loose in the neighborhood to do whatever they want.
All dogs must be managed to some extent for their own safety and the safety of others.
For example, my dog must put on a leash and collar before a walk. He can decide not to put on these things, but then, he does not get to go for his fun walk.
Is this bribery? Does it matter?
What matters to me is that my dog stays safe, as well as enjoys a good quality of life.
My dog has free rein in backyard, but he is not allowed to dig under the fence. If he decides to dig under the fence, then he does not get to stay in the backyard.
True, my dog is not going to be an obedience champion and win competitions, but I do not think he much cares about that. If he did, that would certainly be a fun thing that we could both do together.
In addition to robot and companion, there is a third kind of dog relationship that I term ‘soft-toy‘ dog. These dogs do not normally get discussed, but the majority of dogs in my neighborhood probably fall closest to this class.
A soft-toy dog is just an object, acquired to fulfill its owner’s needs.
The dog rarely gets walked, and only gets hugged and played with when the owner needs companionship. At other times, the dog lives in the backyard, with nothing to do, and nobody to interact with.
There are many such dogs in my neighborhood. They charge the fence and bark at shadows, because their whole lives are about fences and shadows.
Often, there is much discussion on whether a dog should be more of a robot or more of a companion, but really it is these soft-toy dogs that need the most attention. They are the ones who suffer most because they are just objects – with neglected needs, no rights, and no voice.
Dogs are great and rewarding to live with, but they are a lot of work and can be very expensive.
Do not get a dog unless everyone in the family wants to have one, and has the time to put into training, caring, interacting, and fulfilling the dog’s needs. Dogs need exercise every day, and as pack animals, they also need interaction with their family.
Dogs are neither backyard furniture, organic alarm systems, or soft-toys.
We cannot just get a dog to only fulfill our needs, while totally ignoring his needs.
The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man’s.
~~[ Mark Twain, letter to W.D. Howells, 2 April 1899 ]
I agree – it is strange but some people seem to think that dogs come with a pre-programmed set of commands. I say it is Lassie’s fault 🙂
I think sometimes people also get embarrassed, so they scold their dogs to try and show others, that they are good parents who discipline their dogs. One of those human things that have very little to do with the dog.
Hi Alex,
You bring up some good points, as usual 🙂
Safety vs. Quality of Life –
As you say, sometimes there is a trade-off between safety and freedom. For example, my dog would love to run around off-leash wherever, but very quickly he would get into bad trouble and that would not be good for him. Therefore, to keep him safe, I use a combination of rules and management. He has to wear a leash, and I make sure to always check my equipment so that it is in good shape.
Does that mean that my dog is totally safe? No – he would probably be safer if I didn’t walk him at all. However, that would be giving up a lot of quality of life, for some little gain in safety.
Therefore, it is a trade-off that every dog owner makes for their dogs.
Kids, Dogs, and Respect –
I agree with you that both kids and dogs should have rules. However, I believe that it is good to encourage independent thinking in kids.
When I was growing up, my parents had rules as well. I followed almost all of them, mainly because I respected my father very much and did not want to disappoint him. However, this does not mean that I follow everything that he says. He made sure that I always thought for myself and made my own decisions even though sometimes we may disagree on the right thing to do. He was especially worried about my dieting phase 🙂 I followed those rules not because I feared physical reprimand (my father never-ever physically reprimanded me), but because of respect. In contrast, family members that did use physical methods on me, I did not respect as much.
Respect, I think is a 2-way street. My dad respected me to make my own decisions, and I respect him for many many things, including that.
You strike me as a very independent thinker – so I imagine it is similar for you and your parents. For example, you decided that Dunbar is not for you 🙂
I also let my dogs do their own thinking, and only have rules where it is necessary. They can choose to follow or not follow certain rules, and if not, there will be consequences. As with kids, I believe that resource-based consequences are more effective than physical-based consequences.
Ian Dunbar –
Consider checking out Dunbar. I thought his writing style was somewhat pedantic, but some of his methods worked very well for my dogs. In particular, bite inhibition training is one of the best things I learned from him. It really minimized the amount of badness when my Shiba started acting out and redirected his aggression onto me.
As for Dunbar vs Millan, it does not matter much to me who is better, more handsome, more right or more wrong. I don’t really know any of them personally, so I have no vested interest in their relative awesomeness. I do however, love my dogs very much and have a strong vested interest in their well-being. I try to evaluate whatever techniques that come my way, and then re-evaluate them as necessary, so that I can find the ones that best suit me and my dogs. Just my 2 cents 🙂
Most “doorstep” dog owners think they’re doing what’s best for their dogs, and that’s what the problem is; they think that their dog is happy when it’s obviously not. They think that if they love, love, love, them they’ll be the best dog because of the “it’s how you treat them” myth. Most think that dogs who are abused will be mean, dogs who are loved will be nice, when it’s probably the exact opposite. Sure, some abused dogs will become mean, but I can tell you most, if not all “mean” dogs are the doorsteps.
Sure, give your dog love and freedom! But give it after you’ve done what he needs, not what you want. I’d like to see these owners stay all day with nothing to do but sleep and walk around a house — bet they’d get their act straight real fast.
Exercise, disipline, affection — so simple and yet it works so well.
What bugs me most isn’t so much that these “doorstop” owners purposely neglect their dogs, it’s that they are just ignorant of what truly makes a dog tick. This probably comes from generations of dog ownership; they see their parents raise dogs a certain way and so they think it’s okay. Most of these ignorant owners I see seem to think that giving a dog love and freedom is what makes them happy, and if the dog misbehaves they yell at it without trying to properly teach what’s right or wrong in the first place. Exercise, discipline, affection – not sure who’s idea that was, but you can’t go wrong with that routine.
I don’t believe that my dog is a robot even though he does what I say when I say. I pretty much let him do whatever he wants (except things like eating cat poop, chewing things up, ect.) but when I tell him to come he comes, when I tell him to sit he sits, and when I tell him to stop doing something he stops it.
In the long run it’s for his safety. What if I accidentally drop the leash and there’s a cat there. He really likes chasing those fuzz balls up a tree, but there’s a road in front on him. He locks onto the cat, but I give him a “hey” and he snaps him right out of it.
I look at owning a dog like I do having a kid; I am the one responsible for my dog’s(kid’s) actions, safety, and health. Since I am responsible for him, it only makes sense that he’ll follow my rules in my house. This doesn’t mean I’m going to make my kid do what I want and then wait for further information. I’d make rules, and expect them to be followed because if they weren’t followed it could mean harm to the house, his health, safety, etc. The kid might not like or understand these rules, but if I gain my kids respect he’ll follow them like I did with my parents. You’ve seen Super Nanny, haven’t you? The kids have taken over the house, just like the dogs do if treated like doorsteps. The only difference is that we can’t just talk to our dogs and explain the rules that way; we have to wait for them to start to do what you don’t want and take action.
And I agree — people who let their dogs rot in the back yard and only use them for thier own emotional needs are selfish and shouldn’t have dogs.